November II, 2019
Synchronicity Number: ?
Synchronicity Emblem: ?
So – much – pushback.
I don’t know where I am going with all of my work anymore.
I can’t seem to settle on anything.
I know how good I am.
I can not decide on one path because no path seems to be the right path. I do know, however, that when I enter these stages (albeit this one is the peak of Resistance for me), that writing stuff down here is a good way to become clear.
It always helps me.
So that is the one thing that I am going to ‘hang on’ to.
My belief systems are completely breaking down. People that I deemed ‘the best’, are losing my respect, to a certain extent and aspect. Some of the recent purchases I made in hopes of diving deep down and following my life’s purpose while making a living out of it, is still, not aligned.
Videos that I create are good and all, and I broke through resistances there and then lost interest. I thought about playing piano and recording that. That would be nice – I am good enough to keep it entertaining – but I still know it’s not right.
Nothing seems right.
Even just typing here doesn’t seem ‘right’, and maybe that’s because I want to make it into a living of mine. But I don’t think that’s the correct mind set for what I want to accomplish.
And what do I want to accomplish?
I really don’t know anymore.
I wish to help awaken the planet and I know that I am doing that by just being here, and still, I feel unfulfilled.
I am so tired of my restlessness.
I don’t even think it’s due to my ‘not being good enough’ anymore.
I don’t believe it’s due to my ‘perfectionist’ tendencies anymore.
I think it’s due to me trying.
And I don’t even know what I am trying to do anymore.
I can feel an immense sensation that this month is going to be quite massive for me… and I suppose my frustration is coming from my attachment to all of these ‘things’.
I want to see/do/be at a certain point that I am not – and every action I’ve been taking seems to me like it’s just not aligned with what the future has in plan for me.
Writing these posts seems right, but even the content that I have listed here thus far doesn’t seem like it’s something I want to have up.
Blizzard recently just announced a lot of new content at Blizzcon 2019, and so much of it relates to all of the ‘dark’ aspects that I have been speaking of lately that it actually frustrated me. The themes that they are presenting are astoundingly in sync with what I recently talked about.
I am now constantly being given evidence of my worth through clear reflection of my clairvoyant abilities, and instead of allowing that to light me up, it reminds me of who I am while conflicting my mind with where I seem to be at.
Even as I speak right now, I know exactly how to clear this frustration.
Writing here is clearing it for me, and part of my work is to express myself when I am not in ‘flow’ or any of this other ‘top’ stuff that everyone else seems to do or make it a point to express from.
I just want to yell to the world that it doesn’t matter.
Do you know what the number one thing I want to tell the number one people that I seemingly ‘follow’ but am slowly fading away from?
Don’t you know how powerful you are???
And you know who I am really speaking to, right?
All I see is potential in everyone I see, but I also see it in myself.
But what is this disconnect?
Well, I will be clearing it, because I don’t have time to deal with bullshit anymore.
Yes – my bullshit.
Did you know that that Deepak Chopra just released a book called ‘Metahuman’?
This is just more proof of my own worth as these ‘credible’ entities consistently mirror, with still seemingly less awareness, my own reflection.
Meta apparently also means ‘beyond’ (Greek term).
Starseed ‘beyond’ doesn’t sound nice, but a Starseed becoming aware of itself does.
And again, I don’t even want that name for my site.
I thought of ‘Ascension Aid’ because it’s a play off words, is AA, and is refreshing.
I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night seemingly ready to channel or something.
It’s weird, and is exactly what I want, but I keep turning it off before I allow myself to express it.
I think that by the end of this month I will be able to (channel other dimensional entities, that is).
All I need to do, probably, is just clear more of my restlessness while stilling my mind.
It is under my impression that the stiller I become, the more of who I am will come out, and that person is the person I am ultimately wishing to constantly embody.
So as I eat healthier, drink healthier, continue to exercise, and reallllly meditate… I don’t see any other result in mind.
Time and time again, I just come back to the same point of realization.
So what’s it going to take, Kaleb?
When are you going to relax?
I need to be nicer and more easy on myself.
I am way too difficult and overwhelming to deal with.
My standards are so astronomically high that even as I am coming into the awareness of who I really am and what I am really worth, I seemingly get needlessly frustrated with Me.
I know how to relax, how to express anger in a healthy way, and how to practically do or achieve anything that I want to. The confidence and faith that I have in myself is also immense. Even when I ask, out loud here, “so what’s going on?”.
I already know what’s going on.
What am I trying to say, then?
I am unwilling, it seems.
Unwilling to wake up.
Intentional living, apparently, is too scary or difficult or something within my inner belief matrices.
It’s a selfish matter, too. Stepping into my power, if anything, would be a tremendous benefit to the world. The only thing that matters to me is serving mankind.
This is on one level of belief.
On the other, I have my self-serving tendencies to ‘battle’.
All I have to do, in order to ‘get’ to where I want to be, is relax.
Since all my predictions of the future seem to keep coming true, then the one that originated all this time ago when I created my first out of 9 blogs, and all my other ideas that have come to reality through others, will also come to fruition.
And that is that I will be seen.
I will be found.